Fasting and Oral Examinations

The title says it all. I'm going to talk about my fasting and my oral examinations today.

Yesterday, I asked Elaine should I start fasting, she told me I could try to start. Indeed, I started today, I never ate a single thing since 7am. Halfway, I asked Elaine can I drink water, she say can drink, because this is the first time I'm fasting, so don't go for the total fast first. Right now, I just feel so hungry... My friends see to make fun of me, and even scolded vulgarities for me fasting. The reason is they wanted me to go down to the canteen to buy food for them. I said I'm fasting today, and they scolded me. Right now, I can't stand it anymore. I gotta say this out. Why are you people always using me? Using me to buy food for you? Why can't you just stand in the queue and buy yourself? Why are you people so lazy? I can't stand it anymore! (calm down...)

Today after school, we had the English Prelims Oral Examinations. Man, I was so nervous, even though it was only prelims. While I was waiting sitting down on the floor, I prayed silently to God, pray that he would help me to speak well. Haha.

I just suddenly have these thoughts in my mind, I don't know why, maybe you people who read this can tell me.

1. I just feel that I'm alone...I don't know why, I feel this way in school, and sad to say, I also had this feeling when I'm with the rest of the cell group members...

2. I just feel so useless. I feel that I'm a good-for-nothing in this world. I just keep asking people questions. In school, in church... I don't know why... I may be better off dead...

I know I shouldn't have all these negative thoughts, but I just don't know why these thoughts keep appearing in my mind for these few days, probably for the last week until now.

Better focus on my studies...