It's Time.

I think for me now is seriously time to do some soul-searching, and truly REPENT. Yes. Repent. Be it it's for my school or in my spiritual life. Both, or should I just say everything.

Have not been talking much about what actually happened to me to anyone, so I might just as well share down here.

MY LIFE IS IN A TOTAL CHAOS NOW. AND I TRULY MEAN CHAOS...

Why. I don't know. Even though God is still blessing me with his grace and blessings, but it still seems that my life is still in total chaos. I'm not the same me I used to be. And the worst part was that I did not change for the better...

Instead I became worse.

I mean, sometimes things may just seems too late to change, but I just hope that whatever things that I tried to do, I'm still able to make it.

I think I should be totally 'awake' after being scolded by my mum. I mean, I know that sometimes it's my fault and sometimes not, but most of the times it still involves in what I actually do, so. Hmm. I don't know. Initially after being scolded by her, all my mind can only be filled with one thing. Not hatred, not anger.

DEATH. Yes. It's the thoughts of dying and leaving this world for good.

But. Thoughts of all the things that I can't bear to part with all just came into my mind on time, and my 'thoughts of crappy stuffs' also came on time, so as to neutralize the effects of all these death thoughts. Thank God for that.

Because, just now's situation was really severe until that I already had plans of writing my final words...and if things proceed on. Well, I'll be on the headline tomorrow, with my picture lying on the ground and a pool of blood around me, and you guys won't be seeing me blogging here...This is how serious this thing is.

But to change, easier to be said than done. I need God's strength and power and support, and I do hope I can get support from anyone around me. Just anyone that I know. To motivate me to move on. Because I know, things can't keep going on like this, and if this doesn't wake me up, doesn't make me really realise what and where's my mistake, I think even if I die, nobody would even care about me.

Well, I think that's enough. I better use the time on my assignments. Adios.